bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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