I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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