Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
