If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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