i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
