suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
