Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
