Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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