Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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