my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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