I must be too annoying 4 u.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
