So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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