I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
