those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
