Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize