I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize