careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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