i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
