So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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