So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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