He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
