why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
