Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
