im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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