I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize