I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
