I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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