Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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