Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
