I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
