Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize