it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
