i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
