Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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