Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
