It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
