I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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