sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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