so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
