I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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