i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize