Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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