I can feel you judging me through the phone.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
