ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
