So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
