i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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