My room smells like vodka and shame
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
