Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
