I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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