Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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