Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
