I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
