so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
