Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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