My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
