I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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