Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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