jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
