the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
