how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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