i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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