.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
