Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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