My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
