i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
