I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
