I should be sponsored by Trojan
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
