i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
