i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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