omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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