Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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