Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize