he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
