So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
