**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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