I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
