i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
