if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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