Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
