I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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