so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
