Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i out mim tonsoeep
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