I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
