I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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