She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
