How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
