i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
