We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
