dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
They have beer where we have blood.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
