You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize