I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
