just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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