he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
His nipple licking is glorious
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