you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
