That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
