OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
