All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
