That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
