dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
