If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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