I will die if light touches me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize